David Moyes: The Gill/Glazer Phone Call Exclusive

Vital Liverpool has received a secret transcript of the conference call that took place at Old Trafford when Fergie decided to retire

Vital Liverpool has received a secret transcript of the conference call that took place at Old Trafford when Fergie decided to retire...

David Gill: Is that Joel or Avi?
Glazer: Never mind already. Wassup Davy boy, we're on conference call?
Gill: It's Sir Alex. He's off.
Glazer: Waddya mean?
Gill: He's retiring.
Glazer: OK. Did you do the usual thing?
Gill: No, this time he's serious.
Glazer: Great. That's all we need.
Gill: Look, don't worry I've sorted it.
Glazer: How so?
Gill: I've got Moyes.
Glazer: You've got moist? Holy guacemole, soccer means a lot to you guys.
Gill: No, I've got David Moyes.
Glazer: Does he know a good replacement?
Gill: No. He is the replacement.
Glazer: Why have we never heard of him?
Gill: Well, he's pretty well known over here.
Glazer: Why is that? What's he done?
Gill: Well, he managed Everton for 11 years.
Glazer: Ever...ton?
Gill: Yes. They are an established high profile club.
Glazer: OK. What've they done?
Gill: They've been a top flight club for over 100 years.
Glazer: What have they done?
Gill: They've won cups and leagues.
Glazer: Great. And this guy Moyes, what's his contribution?
Gill: Well, as I said he's highly thought of by those in the know.
Glazer: He's won nothing hasn't he?
Gill: Yes.
Glazer: We didn't hear you.
Gill: YES.
Glazer: What's his biggest achievement?
Gill: Er... keeping them in the league all that time.
Glazer: Oh, so they're a Wigan Panthers or Norwich Blue Stars?
Gill: A bit higher profile.
Glazer: How higher? What's their wage bill?
Gill: 8th highest in the premier.
Glazer: And they've won nada?
Gill: He has a lot of respect among his peers.
Glazer: You mean the other guys who win when he doesn't?
Gill: And he's Scottish.
Glazer: Great. Another employee I need translating.
Gill: Sir Alex recommended him.
Glazer: Oh, OK, like he recommended Archie Knox, Brian Kidd, McClaren, Ryan, then that Portuguese guy, Walter Smith, the Portuguese guy and Mike Phelan?
Gill: Well yes....but it worked didn't it.
Glazer: Well if he's staying it may work. Undo it now.
Gill: Um...........er..........I'm off too. Do I get my statue?
Glazer: No fricking way.
Gill: Er......only joking. Forget this phone call happened. Um.... April fool?